Happy Day of the Dead: A Love Letter To My Brother

Feliz Día de los Muertos! 🎃 🍂 🍁 🕯️💀

There is something comforting about a tradition that gives us space for remembering those who have gone before us. We can celebrate their lives, share their stories, and also recognize that love does not disappear when someone is no longer physically here with us. Día de los Muertos or Day of the Dead is a cultural celebration associated with Mexico—rooted in centuries of Indigenous traditions along with Catholic observances introduced during Spanish colonization. This is not a day of mourning. Rather, it is an occasion to remember, honor, and celebrate the lives of those who came, or departed, before us.

A Little History: When exactly is DÍA de los muertos?

The central observance of Día de los Muertos takes place on November 1st-2nd, although celebrations often begin October 31st and depending on the region or the family tradition, may extend for one week. Its history is multifaceted. Indigenous peoples throughout Mesoamerica, including the Mexica (Aztec), Maya, Mixtec, and Zapotec, maintained distinct traditions for honoring the dead and for understanding death—as part of the cycle of life. These practices predated European colonization. During the colonial period, Indigenous customs and Catholic observances became intertwined within many communities. November 1st became associated with All Saints’ Day, and November 2nd with All Souls’ Day, the day dedicated to remembering our dearly departed.

Today, the observances commonly follow this order:

• October 31: Preparations begin, and families welcome the spirits of children who have passed.
• November 1 – Día de Todos los Santos: All Saints’ Day, often associated with remembering children and young people who have died.
• November 2 – Día de los Fieles Difuntos: All Souls’ Day, traditionally dedicated to remembering deceased adults and other loved ones.

Building upon these three core dates, some communities observe additional days for particular groups of departed souls, although this is not universal. For example:

• October 27 – Departed pets and other animals.
• October 28 – People who died suddenly, tragically, violently, or in accidents.
• October 29 – People who died by drowning; in some traditions, forgotten souls.
• October 30 – Forgotten, abandoned, or lonely souls without anyone to prepare their offering.
• October 31 – Unborn children and children who died without baptism.
• November 1 – Deceased children, often affectionately called Angelitos.
• November 2 – Deceased adults.

One of the central traditions is creating an ofrenda, or a home altar that is dedicated to our loved ones who have passed. These altars may include photographs, candles, marigolds and flowers, their favorite foods, beverages, personal belongings, or other meaningful objects. The flowers, especially marigolds (cempasúchil), are traditionally associated with guiding the spirits home. Photographs bring faces and memories into the space, while their favorite foods and personal offerings celebrate the individuality of the people being remembered. The message is beautiful: the ones we love are worth remembering, not just for the fact that they died, but for the fact that they lived.

Remembering My Brother

For me, Día de los Muertos carries a particularly personal meaning.

My brother transitioned in 2023, and there are parts of his story that I may never know. His life and the circumstances surrounding his death left me with questions, the deepest heartache, and a sense of personal loss and responsibility that I continue to work through. Losing someone you love is difficult. But, losing someone under complicated circumstances, without all the answers, can make grief even more difficult to navigate.

Often I wonder what happened, what he needed, what I could have done differently, and all the things I wish we had more time to experience together. Love and responsibility can get tangled in grief, and our unanswered questions don’t necessarily have answers. Still, I don’t want my brother’s life to be reduced to the circumstances of his death. He was an artist, a civil and human rights activist, and for periods of his life, a political prisoner. I loved him fiercely. He was the biggest part of my life and my experience of this world. He deserves to be remembered beyond his final chapter.

This is one of the things I appreciate about Día de los Muertos. Our tradition invites us to remember the whole person. To bring forward their stories, their joy and laughter, music, memories, lived experiences, and the love we shared that makes us who we are. We do not need a holy day to remember the ones we love. But I appreciate the traditions that make space for remembrance—especially in a world that feels too fast paced to sit with complicated grief.

Love, Memory, and the Continuation of Life

We must be part of something that’s greater than ourselves. We are connected. Our relationships leave impressions on us that continue beyond the person’s physical existence. The people we love influence who we become. Their stories become a part of our stories. Their lessons, struggles, convictions, and even the questions they leave behind can shape how we will move through life. Perhaps this is one way that we can continue to honor them: by living, remembering, and carrying forward all that’s meaningful.

Another way we can honor them is by acknowledging the ongoing world conflicts—to protect the living. For our foundation, this means advancing peace and prevention education so that others may increase their tolerance and understanding for people of different religions, cultures, and nationalities; learning about the genocide findings and allegations involving Sudan, Palestine, Myanmar, and China; and also educating ourselves about the human rights crises in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Ukraine, Haiti, Afghanistan, Yemen, Ethiopia, and so on.

It also means recognizing the plight of those experiencing homelessness; those living with disabilities, serious mental illness, or other illnesses; incarcerated people; and members of the most marginalized, persecuted, and hated groups in our society.

Today, I am thinking about my brother, foster parents, a childhood friend whose life was taken a couple years back, our grandparents, elders, fallen comrades, casualties of war, famine, disease, and everyone who has lost someone they love. I am thinking about families who have unanswered questions, those who carry complicated grief and those who wish they could have one more day with the ones they love.

May we hold space for remembrance without judgment, grief without shame, for love without condition and celebrate the lives of those who came before us—telling their stories, keeping their memories alive.

Feliz Día de los Muertos!

In loving memory of my beloved brother, and all of those who remain with us in memory, spirit, and love! If you like, please tell us about your loved ones who have departed, and how you celebrate them in the comment section. Peace! 🎃 🍂 🍁 🕯️💀